"Cthulhu came out of my ass"

"She shudders when a bus drives by and it's like 'ffshppffthffshhptt'"

"(whispering) I'll give you some of her baby pictures, some of them are showing her vagina"

"Part of the mystique of shotgunning a beer is waking up in the morning, reeking of beer and going, 'Yeah, bitches,'"

"Miniature ponies miniature ponies miniature ponies you guys missed the miniature ponies,"

"It's an ass-quake!"

"Google Ron Jeremy."

"I wish I could say 'nigger' without getting beat up."

"My nerd clitoris just got hard"

"I'm looking right into his ballsack...
What is that, if not an Ogre ballsack."
"They look like labia actually."

"How do you make a purse out of placenta?"

"You should make a pot-gingerbread house!"

"I'm so on chatroulette right now Mom. I just saw like 18 dicks."

"...Lucky..."

"I didn't birth you to eat 'hungry man dinners' for kids."

"Jodie Foster hasn't had a good movie since that time she got gang-raped."