"It's not that I can't hear you, it's just that I'm ignoring you."

"It's not that you are not an exceptional dog-fucker..."

"One time, when I went to the Anza Club, I saw a guy dressed up like a giant penis."

"At some point in my life, I want to be a mob boss."

"Cthulhu came out of my ass"

"She shudders when a bus drives by and it's like 'ffshppffthffshhptt'"

"(whispering) I'll give you some of her baby pictures, some of them are showing her vagina"

"Part of the mystique of shotgunning a beer is waking up in the morning, reeking of beer and going, 'Yeah, bitches,'"

"Miniature ponies miniature ponies miniature ponies you guys missed the miniature ponies,"