"Dr. Oz is talking about anal fissures, he had a lady pucker her lips to resemble a poop shute. It was educational."

"Just because I was at a different bar every night of the week when I was your age doesn't mean that you should too"

"When is Brad Pitt showing up? I haven't seen him naked yet."

"You have something on your chin and it's not cum."

"We appreciate a little tasty carpet every now and then."

"You can't teach big penis."

"I wonder if the plants like beer."

"Don't sit on the toilet seat at the Roxy, you'll get pregnant."

"It's not that I can't hear you, it's just that I'm ignoring you."